I Don’t Know

So I have these moments where I ask myself what am I supposed to do right now. After asking this question several times to myself can you guess what the answer is? It is in fact, the obvious, which is, “I don’t know!”

So many times we simply want to do so much but we have no idea what we should be doing. We say we should work harder on “this”, but yet if we felt like we were getting somewhere, we already would be working on that very thing. At least for me, the reason I take breaks on working on anything I truly care about, is because I feel like my efforts aren’t helping anything. When I reach a plateau I stop because I feel like there is something I’m just not getting.

With music I get stuck. With music production I get in a rut and then I get bored. Once I get bored and frustrated I don’t want to do it anymore and it eventually feels pointless. I try not to keep starting over with new software or new equipment but I get bored. I get bored and the only way I ever keep working at it is by trying different equipment and software, to see if something else “clicks” along the way.

I guess right now I’m supposed to do this. I was a little hungover today because I went out with some family last night. Today I wanted to do a lot and I didn’t know what to do. This made me frustrated because I knew what I wanted to do, which was work on music, but I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere, or I had to wait until I could afford something new, to get a fresh start.

I know this is the wrong mindset. I know this but still I do it anyways. I know I’m supposed to just keep going long enough until something happens. I know this, but I’m still tired. I’m tired of waiting and seeing what and who is supposed to help me.

Maybe everything has led up to this random post. Maybe I was supposed to get this frustrated, go for a drive, and then come back just to write this. Maybe you all are supposed to read this and feel some sort of relief from it. Maybe you can relate and that is what I was supposed to do today. I don’t know. I really don’t know!

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