Allowing Yourself To Be Idle And To Simply Exist

Often times I find myself worrying constantly and beating myself up over my progress in life. I’m constantly putting pressure on myself to rush things and to go from nothing to something big all in one day. I set myself up for failure by placing impossible expectations on myself.

I try to tell myself that some days are just regular days. They aren’t going to be special, or “thrilling”. They are not always going to be sunny or feel warm and energizing. Sometimes things are going to feel “blah” and even boring or empty. The truth is, all of that is normal.

It’s hard not to daydream at least for me. I can’t help but wonder how amazing my life could be if I just figure it out. I act like I’m going to wake up one day and everything is going to just click and make sense. Maybe it still will. Last night I watched the movie with my brother called The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty with actor Ben Stiller. After watching it, it made me wonder whether or not the reason I daydream maybe more the average person or not, is because deep down there is an adventurer in my being that isn’t yet walking the path that I am truly meant for. It made me wonder if maybe my daydreams are what I believe them to be which is a road map to my destiny. It is like Mother Nature, God, and The Universe are all trying to give me clues to follow. Breadcrumbs if you will.

As someone who might be going through something, any hiccup or mistake can feel like the end of the world. For example, I haven’t written in a while, and along with that, I haven’t recorded a DJ mix to upload in over a month. The other day I tried and I was all finished. I was entering all of the song information into my Mixcloud and the total process between recording and uploading is about two hours. After I was done adding a photo and labeling everything, I realized that the sound quality was horrible. This is the first issue I have had and I’m not sure what happned. Bascially my point is that it killed me inside and took the wind out of my sails when I needed it most.

I know that I shouldn’t have let myself get so overwhelmed but it happens. It is the things we take pride in and the very things that seem to keep us glued together that mean so much. When they don’t work out you feel like maybe you are making a bigger mistake in regards to life and the choices as a whole. It makes you question everything and sometimes feel like a fraud for trying to be bold enough to dream for a life greater and more fullfilling than the status quo.

I know that I need to let a lot go and that some days are just “days”, nothing more. I know everything will work out in the end, and I know that in my gut I’m making the right choices because I am truly following my heart to my best ability. I know I’m making the right choices because I am extremely uncomfortable at times which has made me grow tremendously. I just have to keep going and to keep moving forward. I know that on days like today, sometimes, I just need to rest, and to try again tomorrow.

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